- Don’t stick with one affiliate marketing strategy for very long. Once you’ve tried something for a month with no results try something else. Keep jumping around constantly : SEO, PPC, facebook, article marketing, etc.
- Check your sales stats every 5 minutes, and be sure to agonize about it. If this doesn’t COMPLETELY distract you and suck up all your emotional energy, then get one of those tool bars or alert programs that shows you or beeps every time you have a sale.
- Bid on the most obvious and competitive keywords in your market, then spend 75% of your day checking your ad position for your main one or two keywords vs your competitors.
- Take that last tip to the next level – constantly check if someone is ripping of your website by continually checking the Google search results for those one or 2 keywords your making sales on. If you find someone copying your site, make a federal case out of it, contact Google, your affiliate manager, and everyone you know to complain about it. Be sure to get REALLY emotional about it.
- Here’s a big one : spend 80% of your time bitching and complaining on affiliate forums. If you’re at a loss for ideas, here some popular things to bitch about : Google slaps, why your stats are not showing a sale for the last 2 hours, my favorite : how you think the affiliate network your working with is secretly stealing sales from you. Recommend forum : WickedFire.com
- When you’re REALLY out of things to bitch about on forums start making personal attacks against big name affiliates in the industry. If you’re not sure which affiliates to shamelessly attack, here’s some popular targets : myself, Shoemoney, John Chow.
- Do ZERO market research before launching an affiliate offer, just pick out something that looks good and start promoting it.
- Spend all your time buying expensive information products and ebooks on how to do affiliate marketing. Go through these products and learn everything you can, then sit on your butt. Whatever you do DON’T take immediate action on what you’ve learned. Keep waiting for the right time to get started.
- Have the firm belief that they only reason super affiliates are making big money is because they have some special backdoor deal with merchants, or because they have AMAZING account history so they can buy keywords for 0.20/click that would cost you $1/click.
- Anytime there’s a slight discrepancy between your Google conversion tracking and your actually affiliate sales – let’s say conversion tracking show more sales – make a federal case out of it. Contact your affiliate manager and Google, absolutely demand you get credit for those 2 sales you “lost”. Make sure to spend several hours (minimum) REALLY agonizing about this, and how the world just isn’t fair.
Apr 7 2008
Top 10 Ways to Be a Dead Broke Affiliate
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Link bait, link bait, everybody gone bad
Situation, aggravation Everybody allegation
In the blogsphere, on the forums Everybody dog food
Bang bang, flame war, everybody’s Gone mad
holy shit! This is hilarious. All these douche bags wasting time posting crap just proved Amit’s post that they are stupid.
Good post! The bitching at marketing forums is so familiar.People complain when they don´t see a huge profit the next day when they have just started.A sure way to blow your budget is to buy into every junk and crap offered online and try to do everything at once.Stumbled and Dugg!
one thing to say…
douche bag.
-w.f.
gagan,
same to you…
douche bag.
-w.f.
I was hoping to make some comments over at wickedfire. But those 202 active users are causing the server to be to busy. You don’t need to be a computer or internet guru to know that site is a little mis-managed. Does anyone know what is going on?
@Rec: I do believe that means you have been banned.
Attacking other people may be legitimate if you attack the idea, not the person.
lol yeah if you get ‘server is busy’ messages it means a mod there is screwing you around… probably because you’ve acted like a douchebag.
@59 – Yup, when someone is added to Miserable Users List, that is when these sort of things start to happen.